You are NOT the father!

Taking a sick day. Felt a little off yesterday, but when I barely slept all night and woke up with stomach cramps and the feeling that I couldn't get warm enough - I knew it was probably smart to stay home.

So I'm partaking in some of the best daytime tv has to offer - Paternity tests on Maury.

I will never deny that I love this show - because it truly is television genius. Maury gives us people a chance to find out "who's my babies daddy?" He won't just give you two tests between two men - he'll do as many tests as needed. And that folks is brilliant.

Being a single parent is tough, but when you have someone denying he's your baby daddy - that's gotta hurt. Now when you have 5 guys denying, that's really gotta hurt. I personally can't imagine ever going on Maury and pouring out all my sexual encounters - but I've never been in that situation before. (Thank God!)

The Maury show uses the DNA Diagnostic Center to do the majority of their testing. Just to see how insane the amount of testing there is, follow this link. That many people - that many tests. It's crazy. And that list only goes to 2007. They've been on the Maury show since 2002!

Here are some highlights from Maury's DNA testing:

• The youngest girl to need a DNA test was a 12 year old girl who wanted to test a 13 year old boy - sadly - he was NOT the father.
• A 15 year old came on the show to announce that she's had sex more than 300 times.
• One of the most notorious segments had a white woman tell a white man that he wasn't the father of her black baby - he was shocked and couldn't believe it. You can see the awesome segment here.
  
• A woman has tested 11 men - can't exactly say sloppy seconds when you get into the double digits - and even the 11th guy was NOT the father
• The most potential fathers to be tested is 18
• A man who had a girlfriend, then slept with her 13 year old daughter - had the audacity to call them sluts. What do you call what he did? Same man got shot in the buttox and thinks he can't father kids. Maybe he's right because he was NOT the father.
  
• An awesome black man named Harry denied being a father because one of the kids is bowlegged. Turns out he doesn't only have one - he's got 8 kids as was confirmed on this exciting episode.
• Best quote on the show "I'm not that type of female"
  

For so many reasons, Maury truly is the best thing on TV in the morning hours and the best part of being home sick. And for your viewing pleasure, here's a delicious video. It's not a paternity test, but man it's funny. Enjoy!

Visions of Vistas

It's been a really long time since I've had a vision. Yet tonight, driving home after watching the delicious Julie & Julia, I forgot where I was. The sun had just set and the light blue rim of sky hadn't completely gone black yet. Clouds were on the horizon The way the light hit them, it looked just like mountains in the distance. For a few moments, I honestly thought I was there.

I haven't been longing the mountains in a really long time. If you, my faithful few readers, weren't aware - I lived in a mountain town in the Canadian Rockies for 9 months. The mountains alloted me the chance to find myself again and I truly treasured my time there and the friendships I made. Tonight, I wasn't missing my friends from the mountains, as I know they are still around - but I was missing the mountains themselves.

When I finally figured it out that I wasn't seeing mountains and that I was seeing clouds, my heart felt a loss. There is something so majestic and so powerful about being there. It makes you feel so small, but so alive. I felt that I could be anything I wanted to be. It was not only majestic, it was magical.

A gift to myself when I was turning 30 - getting a tattoo with two mountains a moon and a star. I now forever have them with me.

This past weekend I took a trip with some friends to a cottage in north-central Ontario. There was something truly calming about being near rock, trees and water. Man, I need to get out more.

All Quiet on the Northern Front

Heard some sad news today about one my favourite places in the world.

Niagara Falls tourism is down - way down. The main reason for this is that the U.S. and Canada have instituted a new initiative with regards to people needing passports to cross the border. This prevents the easy flow of tourists from one area to the other. I myself don't have a passport and therefore have been gearing all my vacations around staying here in Ontario.

Niagara Falls is gorgeous and you can go there and spend a little money, or spend a lot. It is true that many activities in Niagara Falls can be enjoyed without spending a penny. Walking along the Falls, checking out all the sights and sounds of people walking on Clifton Hill, Checking out all the lights on the falls at night in the summer months, or going to the festival of lights held for the end of November and December depicting a variety of Christmas Lights displays. There something so magical about going to the Falls.

The sad thing is, if you want to do anything in the Falls, namely along the main tourist spot Clifton Hill, you are going to pay for it. Restaurants are all just that much more money and each attraction carries a hefty price tag. All of the hotels close to the falls or the casino cost a pretty penny - even if they don't have a good view - or any view at all in some hotels. The last time we went there, we had an expensive hotel with the most desirable postal code - but our room's window looked out into a hallway and the air was hot and disgusting.

I'm hoping that perhaps this means they might actually do more to make it worth your while. Correct the prices a bit so that everyone will want to go there again. Once that happens, maybe we'll be more apt to go back there.

Shake your groove thing

Guys, let me let you in on a little secret.

A girl does not care that you know how to dance or that you look good doing it. We just want you to get out there and do it.

We all started out young at weddings or parties watching our parents out there on the dance floor. My father would grab onto my mother and would glide her around the dance floor. She was a princess floating around on a cloud as he led her with a smooth flow. The few times I've had the pleasure of dancing with my father have been some of the happiest times of my life. If my father can make it look good just by trying - you can too.

Now every guy is willing to try slow dancing. Generally it's just a step from one side to the other in a circle. Nothing wrong with that!

But what about the fast songs??? Will you dance to those???

Most men will answer no to that question. Some women would too. People are so afraid that people would look at them oddly if they stepped outside the box and made a funny move - but the truth is - everyone has to start somewhere. Wouldn't you rather be involved in the action?

Like many women, I had to kiss a few frogs before finding my prince. And many of the frogs didn't want to dance. Sure they'd dance in the privacy of their own rooms, but rarely fast. Put them at a party or a big event where music was taking place and they'd rather sit at the sidelines and grumble at those on the dance floor. Many of them were jealous of all the guys on the floor getting the attention from the ladies. Some even accused me of flirting as I was dancing in the same circle. What was it that made them feel threatened? Oh that's right - they weren't having fun. Nothing was holding them back, but their own insecurities, and it was those insecurities that were really inattractive.

When my prince came along, I wasn't sure if he'd be willing to dance. He's 6'2" and has lots of arms and legs that could flail around just might embarrass him. However, the first time we were together and I found myself on the dance floor with friends, within minutes he was up there with me. Dancing as crazy and silly as me. He keeps a flow going, which really is what dancing is all about. Sure he's about a half a beat behind me, but he's out there and he's trying and he doesn't care who's watching him. He has fun with it and isn't afraid to be stared at or made fun of. If anything, he smiles right along and keeps on going. Through that, no one makes fun and I guarantee there are guys on the sidelines envying his ability. They wish they could be him because he's having fun and they are on the sidelines.

With that - gentleman - get out on the dancefloor. Make your special lady proud!

Finding who I am

I've been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching lately. Something in my life just hasn't been clicking and it's really made me pretty depressed and out of it. After some screaming and crying and finally understanding, I came to understand that the majority of people in my life don't actually know the real me.

Something happened about 13 years ago when I was in my last year of high school. I was dating an older guy, I had friends who were all going off to college and I thought "Hey why don't I look into that too?" I wasn't able to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up, and so I implored family and friends who knew me well to help me figure out what I should apply for. Back then, my writing was something that people actually enjoyed, knew that I enjoyed and they all thought I could turn my writing into a career. They all thought I should sign up for Journalism as that was an option that allowed me to keep writing. What they didn't know, and that I didn't know, was that the writing in that field was completely different than what I really enjoyed doing. Within months they had broken down your writing skills. They did warn us - we have to break it down and build you back up so that you write like a journalist. By the end, I forgot how to write creatively.

My friends currently (other than one or two that were around at that time) didn't know that I worked as a journalist and that I've been published many times. They probably knew that I worked as a photographer but wouldn't have any idea of my beginnings. I wanted to write, not take pictures. My photography was getting better as time went on at the paper, but it could be that I was more creative and willing to try different things that I felt were more newsworthy or visually attractive. Through that, I wanted something more permanent and full time. So I took a job at a portrait studio.

The portrait studio was fun, I got to make people smile for a living and there were very strict rules for the photos. I began to understand how great a clean classic shot could be. Angles, planes, composition, all these things became something I thought about unconsciously every day. I did have fun, but it wasn't really where I wanted to go. I grew into being a strong trainer, but I think it was the following of the rules.

Then I found myself as a career counsellor. I was able to sit and look at all sorts of different careers and every day I thought about what I'd be when I grew up. I learned some good skills, but I still didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had great careers and who knew where I was going to go and what I was going to do.

Now I've found a job that I actually really enjoy in a company that I really like and I don't want to move on. But my friends now seem to keep wanting to push me back to photography. They think I'm not happy and think the photography is something I should be doing.

I know that I've done many shoots for my friends and they've reaped the rewards of my training and experience. I haven't really charged any of them as I've looked at it as being a favour. But it feels really good when they liked the photos so much that they've felt inclined to tip me. Even if it was just to pay for my gas, it made me feel so good as it means they actually liked my work. It was fun, but is it something I really want to do forever? And how will my friends feel if I actually started charging for my work - which is what I should've been doing from the beginning.

I don't know what's been going on for the past few months but my brain has felt completely drained and every time someone mentions taking pictures it actually makes me a little angry. I don't know why, as they are just acting on what they think I want to do or what I'm good at. However I feel that they are pushing me in a direction that I don't want. I want to be in control of my own destiny - I don't want to have to be pushed into it.

After all - I never set out to be a photographer.

Finally broke down yesterday and I feel so awful for what some things I said to my darling husband. But through breaking down and finally being able to open up and have him listen and have him open up and me listen, we were able to really start to understand each other's point of view. I finally see where things have gone wrong.

My current friends don't know about my writing. They don't know what I can do and what I have done. They have no idea that I'm acutally good at something. I need to get back to that me that I was before. I need to look inside myself and pull the writer out. Sure I'll bring the camera out when I feel like it, but I'm not going to be forced into it. I'm going to be who I am.

I am a voracious reader.
I like all different genres of stories.
I prefer to write from personal experience.
I have a hard time writing without some kind of personal touch.
I cannot fantasize about fantastical worlds and therefore cannot write about them.
I enjoy poetry - both writing and reading.
I really want to be involved in my craft.

I will find me again.