17 and on your own

Recently my neice made a very big decision. She left on a Friday and never came home. Her parents were a little worried, but mostly annoyed at their daughter who was yet again off being irresponsible and not communicating. On Monday she brilliantly wrote on her facebook page "Going to see my parents - how do you think they'll take it when I tell them I moved out?"

Issue #1 - her parents are her friends on facebook
Issue #2 - she was posting this at 9:30am when she should be in school
Issue #3 - she had told her friends on the weekend that she was kicked out of the house

Unbeknownst to her - her mother was sick of her antics and had taken all of her clothes and all of her things and packed them in bags ready for her to go. This was the final straw in many episodes of broken promises, lies and missing curfew and not coming home. When she finally did come home, things did NOT go so well and she took her things and said that she'd never be back.

I remember 17. I knew everything. I didn't need my parents telling me what to do. But at 17 I was in college - I was going to school, working, saving to pay for books and my camera and anything else I needed to start my career. I was planning for the future, even if I didn't know what the future would completely hold. I was going places. I hated living with my parents constant watching eyes and questions about where I was and what I did. But I never stayed away without calling first. Even if if was a lie that I was staying at "Julie's" when I was really going somewhere else - I at least had the decency to tell them that I wasn't coming home.

I feel really sympathetic on both sides. I know how hard this has been on my neices parents. They have three kids to worry about and all need attention. But how can you give attention to someone that fights you every step of the way unless it's negative attention?

My hubby and I have talked at length about the situation and sadly, we saw this coming. Honestly I thought she'd end up pregnant, not that she'd just move out. Ever since she was 13 she's been trying to make her stake in the world. Now she has that opportunity.

Funny thing is - as much as she's done to upset and hurt people - I cannot cut her out of my life. She is one of my favourite people and has always loved me. Skinny or fat, she's loved being with me for me. We have a bond and I think it comes from me only being 13 years older than her. Of anyone I remember everything she's gone through. Sure she's mad some really bad decisions and most of mine were mediocre in comparisan, but I know that she's truly in her heart of hearts a good person.

I refuse to cut her out and that's why I used facebook to contact her. I just wanted to know she was alive. She was out of the house a week before anyone even told me that she was gone. So I emailed and said "Can you just let me know that you are okay?" She wrote back and trusted me with her cell phone. I called her today and it was so good to hear her voice and be able to talk. It was like no time had passed. I can ask her questions and she answers honestly. Perhaps that's the problem she had with her parents - they didn't ask so she didn't tell.

James and I are starting to talk about the possibility of having our own family. I hope that I can learn from the mistakes of those around us and make a few less of our own. (I'm sure I'm jinxing myself here ;)) I hope that I can never stop asking questions and that together James and I can strike a balance with our kids so they are well rounded but also responsible.

All I can say is that I'm happy that I'll be able to have a relationship with my neice and that she's willing to start making efforts to mend some fences with her parents. They love her and she admitted to me that she loves and misses them. I hope we can all find a way to get beyond this situation as in 10 years - what's it going to matter that she moved out at 17 or 18 - she's still family and we will still love her.

Untitled - by me

feels like crushing
pain is coming
brain is breaking
definitely not faking
not going away
crushing will stay
no time to sleep
unable to tweak
as this gets tougher
must just suffer

Life as we know it

It's amazing how life has changed now that we have a dog. He's forcing us to be better. Take care of ourselves because we need to take care of him. He is a part of us, and we in turn are a part of him.

Sure he's not perfect - he's had a couple set backs - tried running away once or twice only to be caught shortly after, a few piddles on the floor at random moments. But he's so sweet and loving and affectionate that it's easy to forgive. There's something about his face as he looks at you "Walk? Are we going for a walk??" or "Is it bedtime yet? I'm tigered!" He has such a personality and he's been really great to have around. For those curious - the stinky farts are gone as he seems to have relaxed a lot more and is quickly getting used to the ebb and flow of the Hill-Harri(u)s house. He knows when it's time to just chill and loves when it's time to play. We're very happy to have him around.

One thing that has happened is that I don't see him as holding us back. If anything, he's encouraging us to do things that we want to do. If we want to go see the family, we bring him along as all the kids seem to really love him and he certainly loves them. Thinking about our summer vacation initially meant that we were going to go away without him, now we are thinking of ways that he can come too. We've even booked a cottage with some friends that is dog-friendly so we don't have to leave him alone.

Sure we cant get away with having him with us everywhere we go, but as he's befriended his cousin Chewy, he's going to try a sleepover in two weeks when we'll be away at a wedding. I'm a little nervous, but at the same time I'm certain he'll do well. He's very well behaved in the house and will probably love all the kid friendly attention he'll receive.

Due to a death in the family, our weeklong vacation to Ottawa is being changed as well. So now we are thinking of maybe a night there after the memorial service, and then day trips where we can bring our pooch with us. A few years ago I picked up the Daytripper Book for Southwestern Ontario and it has all sorts of great gems in and around our area. I think it will be great for us to get out and see our province from a fresh perspective, rather than just driving by on route to somewhere else.

In the next few weeks I hope to amass a list of great vacation ideas for right here in our beautiful province and share them with all my loyal readers. (All four of you - thanks!!!) Maybe I can inspire you to check out the sights and sounds of nearby places that you just may not have even known existed!

Taking a Chance

So we met the dog tonight - such a hard time to get to this point as the rescue organization was having issues with their website. All our info was held up on the website so they couldn't get an update on the status of our application. James and I were REALLY worried. They called our references and that went really well according to them. We couldn't understand why they weren't getting back to us. And with the website down, how were we to know that they were even still working to find homes for the dogs on the site?

James had to send a not so nice email asking them to remove our application if they were going to continue "jerking us around." Perhaps this wasn't the best way to describe things. But it did get a reaction and that's why the very next day after sending the email we were able to meet Chance.

Boy he's a sweetie. He's older, but still has lots of life in him and is so completely full of love. Instantly took a liking to me and met me at the door. Went right past James and went straight for me. He was so happy to see me for some reason and just lapped up attention from me. Stayed attached to my leg the whole time we sat and talked and only pushed me out of the way once to get some love from James.

The couple that have been fostering him really have done wonders with him. They keep him from jumping up and have spent lots of time with him keeping him with them as they work. They love in their eyes for him was evident and they were really happy to hear that he'd be going to a loving home. I think they were amazed by just how well he took to us too and how much we showered him with love. The husband asked on several occasions if we were taking him with us - and as much as we'd love to - it isn't how the rescue works.

We are now in the next phase. If they give us a good reference with the rescue organization, then we'll get to have the in-home visit. If that goes well - he stays with us and he's the newest member of the Hill-Harri(u)s clan. In my heart he's mine and htis waiting is agonizing.

Waiting some more...

I am starting to wonder if I just love the idea of any dog - or if I really love the dog we have put in for adoption.

James is very concerned that I'm getting attached to this picture and this story. We haven't even met him yet and I've got all my hopes and doggie dreams in him. But then I go online and I see places like petfinder and even on kijiji and I keep seeing other dogs that are also awesome and adorable. My heart goes out to them all!

I know me and I know James and we will be a one dog family. Given a chance we'd have a cat too but unfortunately due to allergies that won't happen. But I still love the idea of having a dog. We've agonized for months - okay I've agonized and any that I feel he might like I've shown him. It's amazing how picky he's been on the process - but he was the same way with houses. Didn't want something with too much siding or was too old or had a bad decor. We're lucky we found anything at all!

Anyhow - back to dogs - The organization we were in the process of adopting from had a dog needing emergency surgery this week. That might have put things behind with them and we most likely won't hear anything for a little bit. They are asking for donations though as this came up unexpectedly and will cost $900. You'd think they'd be interested in getting adoptions going to help pay for the cost right? Well no. guess not. But they did get one pooch adopted out this week. It wasn't to us, but he did get adopted so that leads me to think positively.

But then something negative happens - like their website account has been suspended, and I start to worry again. I know they are saying the problem is with their hosting package -but things like this should be taken care of. I keep worrying that they aren't actually that good of a place. I mean - who else takes over two weeks to even let you meet the dog?

I know they've called our references and that they went well. The references told us they were really positive about things. That made me happy to hear and I kept thinking we'd hear something soon but thus far - only a standard form email we had to reply to that said that we'd stop looking into dogs with other agencies and focus only on this one - and that we'd be okay with waiting one to two weeks for the process to be over. Well is that one to two weeks from the email or from when we applied? Because if it's from when we applied, that puts us to Tuesday and we haven't met him yet or had an in-home visit to make sure that he'd fit in here.

James and I are instant gratification people. Well he is. I like to look things over and thanks to him I have to convince him it's a good idea. I've been looking at dogs since the fall but knew that we couldn't get one until we were in the house. James and I both wanted a dog once we were in but wanted to get settled. Now we are, and now we want a dog. And James liked this dog - just as much as me. Enough to actually help me fill out the application and to be the point man on the emails and calls during the day at work. He was ready for a dog. For this process to be taking this long it's eating him up inside.

We hear stories all the time about people finding a dog they like and actually taking them home the same day. It seems so simple - but I know this is also why many people end up giving their dog up or letting them run away and get caught. We thought by going through a rescue they would help make sure that this dog is the right dog for us, and that we are the right owners for him.

Now I worry that we made a bad decision.

Hopefully it is true: Good things come to those who wait - cause lord knows I've been waiting.